PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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