Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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