I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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