I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
