how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
