So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i now understand why vodka
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
