i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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