We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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