i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
