youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
