I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
