They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
