I wish I could punch you in the face.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
