i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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