Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
