At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
