That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
