How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize