You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
