But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
