we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
