o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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