I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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