It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
