The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
