Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
