no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
