Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My ATM looks so different sober.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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