Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize