If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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