btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
whose parrot is this?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
