Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
