dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
