i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
