As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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