the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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