I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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