discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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