Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
