Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
