I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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