people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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