My friends, they love my intelligence
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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