I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
