when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
