Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
