genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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