i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
