Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
