i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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