So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
