her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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