recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
