I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
