office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
