god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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