The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
