I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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