Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
we're so committed to being not committed
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
