90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So many bounce houses so little time
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
