Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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