well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
