Who did Billy Mays play for?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
