So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
