you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
