I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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