No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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