We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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