I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
