I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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