I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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