As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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