so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's the barista slut.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
