My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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