Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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