Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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