so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
