You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
