is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drake has all the answers
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
