there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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