apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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