eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
