You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
