Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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