we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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