The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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