Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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