I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
