i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
