Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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