toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
one two three fourrrrnication!
what day is it and did you see me today?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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