Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
