Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
