I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
