I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
