I'm pants shitting drunk right now
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We had to coat check the pizza.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
try to milk me bitch
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
